love, liss.

A  friend recently shared the photo of her degree on Facebook, which states that she graduated "summa cum laude".  Hah, I thought. That's not going to appear on my degree. My CGPA currently stands at 3.68. Something like that. I'm not even sure anymore. I have one semester to go. I'd be lucky to graduate with a "cum laude".  Another friend shared a picture of her friends with me, and added that "they're all smarter than me, their grades were better than mine." It's been decades since they graduated high school together.  The importance placed on grades is quite appalling to me. In lower secondary school, I remember being the only one among my friends who did not get straight As. When I saw that I got a B for the Mandarin language, and saw my friends rejoiced over their straight As, I had this weird mix of feelings. Happy for them, happy for myself too (I did work hard for it, though mandarin wasn't my strongest subject)...

Listening to Taylor Swift's 1989 album on Apple Music, "Out of the Woods".  3 months ago I listened to this song on the plane, on the way back. Crappy quality, but I enjoyed it. My world didn't come crashing down at the time.  It's only been 3 months, but so much has happened. It all happened so fast.  She said it's pure love, a feeling that wasn't shared by anyone else. This pure love.. it feels so good. But it also cuts slowly and deeply. 

I've been wanting to write a post for so long. I think I have like 5 or 6 posts sitting in my drafts. It's funny how there was a time in the past where I was so sure of everything, from who I am and what I want to do with my life to where I want to end up. I had a plan all laid out. The older I get, I realized, the less certain I am about everything. Is this what happens when you grow older? You realize you don't really know anything after all.  I've learned so much about life in 6 months, I feel like I've grown 6 years in 6 months. (Okay, I'm probably exaggerating.) I learned how to forgive while in pain. I could have brought harm, but I didn't, at least I hope I didn't. I tried to be kind, and in return, I got back kindness. I'm always lucky, wherever I go, and I'm really thankful. I always got back kindness. Hmm, maybe not always. If people aren't kind, they're probably just having a bad day, in which case, they need more kindness. {...

I still miss you so much. Please come and talk to me for one last time? People say sometimes they come to you in your dreams. So why won't you come to me in mine? I don't remember the last thing you said to me. So please, come and talk to me, at least once. I miss you terribly. But I promise, I'll make something out of this life. This life won't go to waste. 

3 weeks later I still have these pieces, these fragments of all that happened. The things I saw. A week before, mum texted me and told me that you were sick. We went out later that night, I had a few drinks and I started crying. Here I am, in a foreign place surrounded by so many people who don't know me, who don't care about me. The people I love the most are so far away. You're one of them. You must've been really sick. Else she wouldn't tell me about it. That night I was really homesick. A week later, I'm sitting in my room, looking up the earliest flights back to Penang. My parents know how long the flights are, they were worried about me. I knew I had to go back. "But what if she gets better? You can't be coming home every time somebody falls sick." As much as I hated to admit it.. I guess I can't. I knew I had to this time. No question about it. Something people say about a gut feeling? That's what I had. Turned out to be the be...

"You can't put a picture on beauty. Beauty isn't appearance, it's personality."

I just had to share. Absolutely HAD to. :)