My 2015-2016
It's been more than 2 months since my last post here. Honestly I'm surprised some people still come here to check for new updates. I had so much time on my hands in the fall semester, so being too busy isn't my excuse. I always enjoy reading articles that express unconventional or unpopular opinion. So when I write something here, I prefer offering readers something atypical. After all, your time is precious, you could be doing a million other things right now, but you are choosing to spend your time reading what I have to say, and that is such a HUGE honor. That being said, here I've come up with a list of lessons I learned in 2015, and my goals for 2016 - which is personal and may not contain many unconventional points.
This year, I learned.
If I find that there is no one around to help me through difficult times, the least I could do is be there for myself, and be kind to myself. If I am upset, I would comfort me, bring me a cup of warm water, wipe my tears away. I would watch out for me while I break into pieces, and always be my best friend. I would offer me my shoulder to cry on, and always be my biggest cheerleader. That's the least I could do.
That's the least you could do when you find yourself all alone.
This year, I learned.
How many times have you heard guys say that nice guys finish last? I've heard that enough times. Nice guys don't finish last. Personally, I find "niceness" such an attractive quality.
I've been thinking about attraction a fair bit lately. I think most of us are intuitive. Some more than others, but we have this "gut feeling" about whether someone we meet might be compatible with us.
Perhaps many girls have found themselves attracted to you, a "nice guy", but are hesitant or have no interest in pursuing something more serious with you. So you feel rejected (I guess you would actually be rejected), and think that the "bad boys" are the ones girls really want.
Here's a thought: Could it be possible that the girl you really like is attracted to you because of how sincere and nice you are, but doesn't find you as attractive anymore when she discovers that you have a horrible temper, just like her. We look for partners who are similar to us in some ways, so they are able to understand our pains and share our joys. Yet, ideally, they should have qualities we lack. If the girl you like has a horrible temper, she would probably be more attracted to someone who is gentle and even-tempered.
So, it is not that a person is not good enough for another. Or a person being "too nice" and not "bad" enough for another.
Rather, it's about compatibility. Maybe the girl you like is attracted to your "niceness" but has a gut feeling (that I mentioned earlier) that you two are not very compatible. So she chooses to reject you to avoid leading you on and causing more hurt to you in the long run.
This year, I learned.
Before I moved to New York for the fall semester, I only had one goal - to "make it" professionally in New York. This was my Music Industry Professional Trial Membership. Valid for 4 months, for first-time customers only. I tried hard during this trial period. 2 months in, the dust settled. I didn't have as much on my plate. I'd proven myself to.. myself. Seemed like I was doing pretty well. I got along with my co-workers and was enjoying great relationships with my internship supervisors. I had nothing to prove. I looked around and found that I also had no one to share my joys and sorrows with.
I'd been so obsessed with the idea of succeeding in my career that I spent all of my time and energy on my internships, other projects, and networking. Everything I did, every minute I spent, I made sure it was for the career I was building. During my lunch break at work, I would check and reply to emails, communicate with my teammates to plan and execute two panels in Boston, set up meetings over coffee with actual music industry professionals. I would attend every conference, panel, networking event I could find.. after work ended at 6pm.
That lifestyle didn't last long.
I missed connecting with people, with friends. I realized I didn't have my priorities right. I spent the Thanksgiving weekend back home in Boston with the loveliest people, and those were probably my happiest days in the whole semester.
This year, I learned.
Sometimes, it is my job to fix things. Sometimes it's not. And I have to be okay with that. Not every bad situation needs fixing. Sometimes all I need to do is be present and remain positive. Sometimes all people need is some of my optimism. If I am happy, chances are people are going to feel lighter and happier around me.
This year, I learned.
I learned that it is a stupid idea to jump straight into work right after the sudden loss of a loved one. Incredibly stupid. Always take care of yourself. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
This year, I learned.
Hitting rock bottom is truly a blessing. Cliche but true. "When you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up." My best moments this year happened right after I hit rock bottom.
This year, I learned.
The relationship between two people is so intimate and private that no one is really qualified to pass judgements.
This year, I learned.
I learned what I want in a significant other. I also learned that the unicorn I've been looking for actually exists.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn to be kinder to myself. I will cut myself some slack and allow myself to enjoy life a little more. They say never slow down at work, because for every second that you're not working, somebody else is, and they will overtake you. (I have definitely rephrased this, I forgot the original quote.. but I think it's about practicing your musical instrument.) That quote is right. But I will strive to achieve more balance in life, which means giving myself the permission to take a break from work as frequently as I need, while I can still afford this luxury as a student.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn what it really means to be patient. Tolerating isn't the same as being patient, I know now. If I am tolerating, I need to change the way I look at the situation. If I can't do that, I might need to give up trying.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn to take life one day at a time. I will learn to be more open to changes, and embrace them as they come.
This year, I learned.
If I find that there is no one around to help me through difficult times, the least I could do is be there for myself, and be kind to myself. If I am upset, I would comfort me, bring me a cup of warm water, wipe my tears away. I would watch out for me while I break into pieces, and always be my best friend. I would offer me my shoulder to cry on, and always be my biggest cheerleader. That's the least I could do.
That's the least you could do when you find yourself all alone.
This year, I learned.
How many times have you heard guys say that nice guys finish last? I've heard that enough times. Nice guys don't finish last. Personally, I find "niceness" such an attractive quality.
I've been thinking about attraction a fair bit lately. I think most of us are intuitive. Some more than others, but we have this "gut feeling" about whether someone we meet might be compatible with us.
Perhaps many girls have found themselves attracted to you, a "nice guy", but are hesitant or have no interest in pursuing something more serious with you. So you feel rejected (I guess you would actually be rejected), and think that the "bad boys" are the ones girls really want.
Here's a thought: Could it be possible that the girl you really like is attracted to you because of how sincere and nice you are, but doesn't find you as attractive anymore when she discovers that you have a horrible temper, just like her. We look for partners who are similar to us in some ways, so they are able to understand our pains and share our joys. Yet, ideally, they should have qualities we lack. If the girl you like has a horrible temper, she would probably be more attracted to someone who is gentle and even-tempered.
So, it is not that a person is not good enough for another. Or a person being "too nice" and not "bad" enough for another.
Rather, it's about compatibility. Maybe the girl you like is attracted to your "niceness" but has a gut feeling (that I mentioned earlier) that you two are not very compatible. So she chooses to reject you to avoid leading you on and causing more hurt to you in the long run.
This year, I learned.
Before I moved to New York for the fall semester, I only had one goal - to "make it" professionally in New York. This was my Music Industry Professional Trial Membership. Valid for 4 months, for first-time customers only. I tried hard during this trial period. 2 months in, the dust settled. I didn't have as much on my plate. I'd proven myself to.. myself. Seemed like I was doing pretty well. I got along with my co-workers and was enjoying great relationships with my internship supervisors. I had nothing to prove. I looked around and found that I also had no one to share my joys and sorrows with.
I'd been so obsessed with the idea of succeeding in my career that I spent all of my time and energy on my internships, other projects, and networking. Everything I did, every minute I spent, I made sure it was for the career I was building. During my lunch break at work, I would check and reply to emails, communicate with my teammates to plan and execute two panels in Boston, set up meetings over coffee with actual music industry professionals. I would attend every conference, panel, networking event I could find.. after work ended at 6pm.
That lifestyle didn't last long.
I missed connecting with people, with friends. I realized I didn't have my priorities right. I spent the Thanksgiving weekend back home in Boston with the loveliest people, and those were probably my happiest days in the whole semester.
This year, I learned.
Sometimes, it is my job to fix things. Sometimes it's not. And I have to be okay with that. Not every bad situation needs fixing. Sometimes all I need to do is be present and remain positive. Sometimes all people need is some of my optimism. If I am happy, chances are people are going to feel lighter and happier around me.
This year, I learned.
I learned that it is a stupid idea to jump straight into work right after the sudden loss of a loved one. Incredibly stupid. Always take care of yourself. Physically, mentally, emotionally.
This year, I learned.
Hitting rock bottom is truly a blessing. Cliche but true. "When you've hit rock bottom, there's nowhere to go but up." My best moments this year happened right after I hit rock bottom.
This year, I learned.
The relationship between two people is so intimate and private that no one is really qualified to pass judgements.
This year, I learned.
I learned what I want in a significant other. I also learned that the unicorn I've been looking for actually exists.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn to be kinder to myself. I will cut myself some slack and allow myself to enjoy life a little more. They say never slow down at work, because for every second that you're not working, somebody else is, and they will overtake you. (I have definitely rephrased this, I forgot the original quote.. but I think it's about practicing your musical instrument.) That quote is right. But I will strive to achieve more balance in life, which means giving myself the permission to take a break from work as frequently as I need, while I can still afford this luxury as a student.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn what it really means to be patient. Tolerating isn't the same as being patient, I know now. If I am tolerating, I need to change the way I look at the situation. If I can't do that, I might need to give up trying.
Next year, I will learn.
I will learn to take life one day at a time. I will learn to be more open to changes, and embrace them as they come.
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