What post-graduation life is really like

This was my original plan: Apply for LA jobs during my last semester in Boston, get some interviews (maybe some Skype ones), secure a job I like with a fair pay by the time I step out of college, and off I ride, into the beautiful sunset of the wonderful Adultworld everyone else has been complaining about.

Alas, life didn't go as I planned in my neat little brain. Before long, I realized that under normal circumstances, employers want you to be in the same area before they decide that you're serious about the job. Which is perfectly reasonable. They ask you to check in again when you're "here".

Fair enough. You have a lot on your plate at this time. Final projects to wrap up. A lot of goodbyes to be said. You wonder what awaits you on the opposite coast. By now, you've heard a lot of horror stories about the industry, its competitiveness and the (perceived?) discrimination.

"I didn't get the job because of my race."
"I didn't get the job because of my international status."
"I was so close. I've already interviewed for so many companies and yet.. Nothing."

You're a little freaked out. You want to be prepared for the worst, but you also want to remain optimistic. Times are going to be difficult, but what are you going to do, torture yourself with these worries?

You don't quite know what to expect. Some of these friends are the smartest people you know. If they haven't been able to find a job in a full year, do you really stand any chance of succeeding?

You start thinking about your own achievements. You have great relationships with your lecturers, gotten a few awards from your college, completed multiple internships. You've even connected with some great people in the industry from your own efforts. You start feeling good about this. You've achieved all this in 3 years. If you can go from not knowing why Pandora the jeweler has turned into a non-interactive streaming service to all you know now.. in 3 years, surely getting a nice job cannot be that difficult.

After moving across the country, you start to take these applications seriously. You carefully customize these cover letters, thinking about the best way to present yourself - you have to be confident AND humble. You improve on your writing in this process. But wait, that's not all. You remember what your mentor said about the importance of standing out. So your little brain starts working. You try many things. You start spending more time with your new best friend LinkedIn. Your friendship remains strong, until the day you are asked to get a corporate account under the assumption that you're a recruiter who spends her entire day on LinkedIn.

You reach out to everyone you know, even the people with whom you've only exchanged emails. No harm trying, right? It's all or nothing. And it works! They agree to put in a good word for you. Yes, you stand a higher chance now! Things are going to be smooth now!

But wait a minute! You've just received an email from them! "Sorry, the position has been filled." And another that said "We regret to inform you that we have decided to go with another candidate at this time."

Every lead you get ends up going nowhere. You keep finding yourself going back to square one.

You start wondering what's working and what isn't. You (over)analyze why you haven't gotten anywhere with this job hunt. You start to question the confidence you had before, and here's where it gets bad - you start doubting yourself. You look around, and suddenly you feel so small. So worthless. You look at your friends. One friend is 10 years older, has prior experience in the industry, and has friends and family in the industry. These voices start creeping in. "Of course no one wants you. They can get an older, more experienced person, why would they want you? You're a fresh grad. You're worth NOTHING." The voices start looking for flaws in everything you've done. "Darn it. I told you you should've been more specialized, who told you it's a good idea to do internships in different areas of the industry? Girl, you stupid. And that dual major? Come on, nobody gives a shit about that. Told ya it was a mistake to have done that."

Luckily, the confidence buddy you've built over recent months comes to the rescue. "No, you chose those internships because you wanted to learn and explore different things. You were curious. Now you possess some knowledge in all those parts of the industry. It was a well-thought-out decision, and it has made you who you are today. And that time-consuming dual major thing you did. That's not stupid. That has given you all the tools you need to understand every aspect of the music industry. And to succeed at anything you choose to do in the future."

Now you only wish potential employers could think of you the way your confidence buddy does.

But this hiring process isn't about you. It's about the employer, and what they need. Someone once said, hiring is similar to dating. You could be the best partner, but that doesn't mean you're a good match for everyone. Timing plays a huge role in hiring too, just like in dating. Sometimes it's simply not meant to be.

Slowly, you realize this is a very personal process. This job hunt isn't just about looking for a job, you're discovering things about yourself. Through interviews and conversations with people, you start identifying the type of companies you admire, the work environment you value, the personalities you get along with.

Even if you have nothing lined up yet, maybe things are not too bad after all. You've learned more about yourself, and maybe that itself is an achievement of some sort. You're getting closer to your destination.

Some days you find it pointless to get out of bed. "What's the point? I still don't have a job. Doesn't matter if I'm in bed all day." At that moment, you turn into a cheerleader. You turn into your Number 1 fan. You tell yourself, "With every day that passes, you're one day closer to achieving your goals.. As long as you keep going." Today, you feel especially drained. So, you read a new book. You watch videos on Lynda about interviews, salary negotiation, marketing, anything. Just because you're not studying or working doesn't mean you can stop learning.

At some point, you realize how difficult it is to get through everyday without deadlines. You think about your time at Berklee. There was always something to do when you were still in Boston. There were so many classes, assignments, clubs, organizations. When you had nothing much to do, you went ahead and started organizing an event. But here.. you moved here and started with a blank canvas. Suddenly it hits you. While some girls gain confidence from branded outfits and attention of flirting guys, you depended on your work and work ethic to feel worthy. Without work and progress, you're useless and worthless.

You feel like you've fallen into a dark pit. You've discovered this huge flaw. For a moment you feel sorry for yourself, your pathetic self.

Deep down, you've always known. You're merely uncovering this now. Of course it looks ugly now.

You embark on a journey. You're determined to build your confidence. You will feel worthy especially during this difficult time. Career is important, but you will not let your career (or a lack thereof) define you.

You've learned many important lessons so far. You've learned to be more patient, resilient, and creative. You're rising strong* after falling repeatedly.

Maybe you're not doing that bad after all. At least when you're successful, you'll have a story to tell. After all, who doesn't love a nice story about overcoming failure and rising to the top?





*Rising Strong by Brené Brown. Highly recommended. (Though I'm not done reading it yet ha!)